Happy New Year!

Here’s Paris Hilton celebrating New Year’s Eve at The Bongo Virus party in Sydney. Hold on, she’s in the future already?! Jesus, how did this happen? Aw man, she’s going to get VD all over 2009 before we even get there. Guess I better start practicing having it burn when I pee. Anyone got a lighter?

Happy New Year! I think. Goddammit, Paris…

Photos: Splash News

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Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony keep up appearances

In an effort to quash rampant divorce rumors, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have escaped to Puerto Rico for the next few days to prove their love is strong. Because being in the same place at the same time totally constitutes a healthy relationship. No, really, these two couldn’t be more convincing if they procreated on a fighter jet in front of my house. True story. E! News reports:

“They are on a holiday vacation,” says Anthony’s rep.
Two days ago, Lopez and Anthony met up with friends and family for dinner at Marmalade, a trendy, upscale restaurant in the old-town section of San Juan.
“Jennifer and Marc looked very happy, so it is hard for me to believe the rumors that their marriage is in trouble,” the eatery’s general manager, Trace Donaldson, tells E! News. “They were laughing and seemed to be having a great time.”

Okay, I get it. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have a large Latin audience who are devout Catholics. However, c’mon, these people love Ricky Martin who’s not only gay, but adopted twin babies whom the Bible says he will no doubt inject with his gayness. Yet, I guarantee his next album will go triple cayenne pepper, or whatever they use to notate musical success. [Edit: Kittens in sombreros.]

Photos: Splash News

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Matt Dillon arrested for driving 106 mph

Matt Dillon was busted last night for driving 106 mph in Vermont. The posted speed limit was 65, according to the AP.

When will the universe stop crapping on this guy? First, he loses Cameron Diaz. Then his brother Kevin becomes the big star of the family. And now he gets arrested in Vermont after slathering his naked body in maple syrup. What do you mean that wasn’t in the article? You gotta read between the lines. That’s why I’m the journalist, and you’re the voice in my head.

Photo: WENN

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Charles Barkley arrested for DUI

Charles Barkley was arrested for DUI early this morning in Arizona after supposedly getting trashed with Michael Strahan and, no joke, Urkel, according to The Dirty. Suddenly, this news item went from boring to sad faster than you can say “Got any cheeeese?”

I have no respect for myself.

Photo: WENN

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Jennifer Aniston to John Mayer: ?Thanks for all that publicity. Later!?

After dominating the Christmas box office, Jennifer Aniston is spending New Year’s Eve with the most important person in her life right now: Courteney Cox Arquette. Yup, Jen is staying in Los Cabos with the family of her old Friends co-star (OMG! They really were best friends!) while John Mayer is quarantined to a separate beach house with his brother. Whee! People reports:

While the couple appear to be staying in separate residences, their places are just a short drive away – and are connected by a private beach perfect for long walks at sunset.
Aniston is making a tradition of spending the holidays with the Arquettes, having spent a festive night out with them at Mastro’s Steakhouse in Beverly Hills on Christmas Eve.

JEN: I mean, I did have the #1 movie in America over the holiday. Do you think I should sleep with him?
COURTENEY: Eww! Eww! No. God, no.
JOHN: I’m sitting right here.
JEN: No one knows for certain if all the publicity from our “relationship” helped, right? And it’s not like we had a contract.
COURTENEY: Exactly.
JOHN: Hello?
JEN: Plus, he was hanging around that Pete Wentz kid.
JOHN: I’m a studio exec with lots of money and scripts catered to a strong female lead.
JEN: *flashes her breasts* Dammit! It’s just John.
COURTENEY: Seriously, not cool. Now help me get my pants off the ceiling fan.

Photos: Splash News

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Dane Cook?s brother/manager arrested for stealing $3 mil from comic

While Dane Cook’s been busy stealing other people’s jokes, his own brother has been stealing from him, according to TMZ:

Darryl McCauley — who was in charge of Cook’s financial affairs since the 90s — was arrested today by the Massachusetts State Police and charged with three counts of larceny and forgery.
Authorities say in one case, Dane’s bro forged a $3 million check and deposited it in his account.

Despite the fact I’m convinced Dane Cook’s movies are made for the intent purpose of interrogating terrorists, that’s gotta suck finding out your own brother has been ripping you off. Wait. Didn’t I hire my brother to be my accountant? Oh, shit…

UPDATE: So I checked the books and all I found was a fistful of strip club receipts and a G.I. Joe. Phew. Everything’s still there.

Photos: WENN

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Tokyo Teen Tries Bukkake

This gorgeous Tokyo teen looks too innocent to be appearing in porn at all. Don’t let that sweet face fool you not only is she naughty but she’s a jade. Just one on one sex is boring to her and she’s about to try out bukkake with no less than six hard dicks. By the [...]

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Come on over and join these sexy twins for some fun fuck action, The Texas Twins!

Come on over and join these sexy twins for some fun fuck action, The Texas Twins! Click here to check out all the hot action when these two siblings get horny for some hard stiff meat!

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SimpsonTwins fingering their friends pussy!

The Simpson Twins love to finger the young warm pussy of their friend, watch them make her scream in delight! These twins love twin sex. click on the pic to see more on the simpson twins in twin action

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Busty DD Cutie Mia

Our hot and very busty cutie today has some amazing tits on her. She’s a full DD cup size and only 19 years old.Girls that young and fresh don’t need or want silicone and the tit fairy must have made a couple of visits to this hottie’s house. We’ll get to..

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Naked College Coeds 3 – Daily Update for Monday

Naked College Coeds 3Release Date:2003Movie Length:60 min mins.# Of Scenes:7Category:Teen (18+)Description:America’s Hottest Sexiest Coeds Baring It All!!We’ve had the extreme pleasure of filming America’s wildest college coeds that go the extra mile to e..

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Stripping on the couch

I just love the way that leather couches feel against my bare skin. In this set I wear a tight short pink shirt with a loose fitting tee and my nipples press against the shirt because I am wearing no bra underneath. As I slowly slid the clothes off my bod..

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I Want To Fuck My Ass

This was one of Michelle’s first scenes I ever shot before the boob job. She’s a funny girl with alot of personality. I think you’ll enjoy when she speaks some english with that glamorous latin accent. The scene begins as I’m wandering around the farm and..

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Slutty Young Girl Gets Spunked

You know, there are the cute little demure teen types and those are all well and good. However, for some down right nasty teenie porn this type of slutty teen is just the ticket.She’s cute and tight and horny as hell. Taking a dick in all her tiny holes i..

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Nude Modeling Anyone? – Dollce Dearest

We were hanging out in little Mexico, well what’s what we called it. We were on the hunt for some Spanish pussy. That’s when I zoomed in on a hot girl doing a little bit of shopping. She sported a pink tube top, short jean skirt and yellow purse. Mark whi..

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Heather Havok

South Korean sex kitten, Heather, easily seduces Shane with her sensual massage. She’s the horniest masseuse in the parlor and wants way more that just ‘the tip!" She wants the whole basket of meat, with gravy on her tits!!

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The best is being with a girl. I just love it!

I’m pealing them off just for you. And as a matter of fact, I always do. LOL. I love doing the site and the shoots. I have such a great time. I like to play with my pussy for you guys, and I have plenty of that. but, the best is being with a girl. I just love it! Oh, talk to you next year!!! Hope 2008 was good for you!

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Why dont you come undress me?

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This is just a sneak peek

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Prince Harry?s girlfriend learns the time-honored tradition of royal bikinification

These are pics of Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy vacationing on the island of Mauritius. Man, if I were in the royal family, I’d knight my own penis then chivalrously have my way with everything from Big Ben to the Queen of England. I mean, sure, Chelsy is alright, I guess. But does she tell time on top of Parliament or look like my grandmother? Then I bid you “nay.” Sir Cockerton of PantsHugely demands satisfaction! Here here!