Teresa Giudice in a Bikini and Other News

- Teresa Guidice loves her fake tits.
- Elena Kagan asked about Twilight during SCOTUS confirmation hearing. Now, Canada, now! While Eclipse fever is at its peak!
- Dolly Parton is a national treasure.
- Wonder Woman doesn’t show everyone her underwear anymore? *picks up phone* Hello, Al Qaeda? Congrats on Read More …

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The Search for Banner Girl: Day 2

As we enter Day 2 of The Superficial Banner Girl Contest, I’m starting to realize a whole lot of models read the site and I should probably start talking about how huge my penis is more often. (Read: MASSIVE.) On that note, I’ve added to the Facebook gallery five new ladies vying to be the Read More …

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Russell Brand Has to Die

Here’s Katy Perry in France today where I assume she continued her secret diplomatic mission to annex the country into the United States. (You froggies will never see it coming.) While I thought this was just another news-worthy post about how awesome her tits are, I couldn’t help but notice this. What the fuck is Read More …

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Christina Hendricks is a Terrible Role Model

In an interview for the latest issue of Health magazine, Christina Hendricks extols the virtues of packing on the pounds to feel “like a woman” which is making it hard for me to defend her until the new season of Mad Men gives me a scotch-filled boner and I forget everything I’m about to say Read More …

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Kelly Brook in a Do I Really Have to Say It?

And now I officially know what Jews feel like during Hanukkah. On that note, if Kelly Brook isn’t in a bikini for four more days, someone should try her for war crimes. Big breasts don’t protect you from the eyes of justice.
Ha! Just kidding. You can hide in my attic.
Photos: Splash News
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‘Ain’t No Body O’ Mine Gonna Get Skinny. Frap Me, Y’all!’

Here’s a skinnier-than-usual Britney Spears stopping at Starbucks yesterday to remedy that fact because she believes pouch bellies can predict the future. Now, some people might argue she ordered a low-fat drink, but I managed to zoom in on the cup to prove these people escaped from a mental institution and won’t stop until they Read More …

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Lindsay Lohan is the Luckiest Drug Addict Alive

After watching her manage to duck jail while still drinking with a SCRAM bracelet on these past few months, it’s becoming painfully obvious Lindsay Lohan blew Satan at some point. And now on top of that, TMZ has uncovered the reason her 2007 DUI arrest was plea bargained so quickly despite the fact she was Read More …

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Lady GaGa is a Dude

Somehow I missed these shots yesterday of Lady GaGa posing as her alter ego Jo Calderone for Vogue Hommes Japan, so here he/she is for your edification. I honestly don’t know what these will do for anybody, but if at least one person says, “Dude, this is gay” I like to believe I made the Read More …

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The Search for Banner Girl: Day 1

We’re only six hours into The Superficial Banner Girl Contest and already I’ve seen a ton of lovely ladies, a few not-so-lovely ones, a dude, one of my friends in her underwear, a porn star (No joke.) and most importantly, a chick with a giant black dildo in her mouth i.e. THE WINNER.
I’ve posted a Read More …

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A Katy Perry Cleavage in Paris and Other News

- David Letterman prefers Paris Hilton over Kristen Stewart.
- Bradley Cooper makes no fucking sense.
- Alexander Skarsgard “loves being naked.”
- Naomi Campbell and Coco have a lot in common.
- Sofia Vergara should replace everyone in Twilight. Everyone.
- George Clooney has sex with this.
- Okay, Read More …

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Kelly Brook’s Breasts are Still in Swimwear

Here’s Kelly Brook in Barbados today where she continued to remind everyone that large breasts are the only thing that matter about anything. Except in the case of Coco who proved they can’t distract from a horribly mis-shaven vagina which was like finding out Santa isn’t real all over again. “Her breasts are so huge, Read More …

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Dr. Conrad Murray is an Incredible Physician

Joe Jackson has filed a wrongful death suit against Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal physician who administered the lethal dose of Propofol, and his legal team has apparently found a stripper who claims the good doctor not only invited her to the house when Michael was passed out, but was also drinking just hours Read More …

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Kate Gosselin Thinks Jogging Will Help

Here’s Kate Gosselin taking her botched Botox-face for a jog because somehow that will change the fact she permanently looks like she caught you using the good silverware when there’s not even company over. (Asshole.) On that note, is it weird I kind of want to see Kelly Ripa’s penis button penetrate the perfectly circular Read More …

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I Want YOU to be The Superficial Banner Girl

Apparently a shocking amount of you were attached to the blonde girl who used to adorn The Superficial banner at the top of the site (Note to Self: Invent fuckable clip-art.), so since she’s been wrapped up in the big shower curtain in the sky, I thought it’d be fun to make some lucky reader Read More …

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Coco Should Wear a Smaller Bikini

Here’s Coco on vacation in Miami over the weekend where she apparently decided a three-year-old’s bikini was sufficient cover for her She-Hulk frame. (It was.) At this point my brain literally can’t process everything that’s happening in these pictures, but I can say with certainty that’s the largest pubic region I’ve ever seen in my Read More …

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Lindsay Lohan’s Porn Star Role is a ‘Bad Move’

Thanks to shitty decision-making being an integral genome of Lohan DNA, Lindsay is banking on her upcoming role as porn star Linda Lovelace to bounce her career back to its Mean Girls heyday. Except most film experts agree it will probably do the exact opposite because she’ll barely have to act in the thing. Hollywood Read More …

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Megan Fox is Married

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green were reportedly married “late last week” at the Four Seasons in Hawaii, according to TMZ. My advice to the lucky groom: Try not to think about the fact she married you immediately after bombing another movie. There’s no way that has anything do with anything, safety net.
Brian! I Read More …

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Kristen Stewart Dyed Her Hair! OMFG!

I was going to let PopSugar handle these, but then I realized we might have a riot on our hands if not done properly. So on that note, here’s Kristen Stewart outside Letterman this afternoon where she showed off her new, lighter hairstyle that must’ve sent every Twihard in the vicinity hyperventilating into their abstinent Read More …

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Kristen Stewart Dyed Her Hair! OMFG!

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Joey Likes to Drinky and Other News

- Sandra Bullock and Jesse James are officially divorced.
- Beatrice Borromeo’s royal swimwear.
- Taylor Momsen was wearing shoes?
- JWoww apparently hasn’t stopped wearing the same bikini.
- Robert Pattinson is ready to stop playing a dry-humping vampire.
- Halle Berry works out.
- Christina Hendricks and I Read More …