Halle Berry in a Bikini

“Have you seen the guy who writes The Superficial? Balls like the face of Jesus. You just want to lay your head on them, that’s how big and fluffy yet masculinely firm they are. Eyes up here.”
(Was I close? I suck at reading lips.)
Photos: Pacific Coast News
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Paris Hilton is Swimsuity and Other News

- Angelina Jolie looks too thin to be kicking ass in Salt.
- The Speidi Divorce put in razor-sharp context.
- Katie Holmes forgot to change after role-playing with Tom. “I’m still dressed like Steve the sexually awkward baker aren’t I? Dammit!”
- Carrie Underwood actually made it move for the first time ever. Read More …

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Snooki Got Arrested

What you’re witnessing here is a drunk as all hell Snooki getting arrested in Seaside Heights, N.J. today while filming an episode of Jersey Shore. TMZ says she was picked up for disorderly conduct, but based on these photos of her buying a beer bong, I’m going to assume someone called in an eight-year-old boy Read More …

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Lindsay Lohan Replaced on Linda Lovelace Flick

Seen here conveniently holding a script in Hollywood yesterday, upcoming actress Sarah Scott is rumored to be replacing Lindsay Lohan in the only remotely viable career option she had left: The Linda Lovelace biopic Inferno. Via The Fab Life:
Filming was supposed to begin in August, but a 90-day rehab stint would certainly make that Read More …

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Laurence Fishburne Done Good

Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter Montana (above) apparently made a sex tape with porn star Brian Pumper because Kim Kardashian has shown everyone that’s how you get famous. Except I’m not being sarcastic that’s literally almost the exact words out of Montan’s mouth. TMZ reports:
“I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a Read More …

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Tara Reid Apparently Went Commando

Here’s Tara Reid drunk off her ass with ex-fiance Michael Axtmann in Saint Tropez last night where she gave everyone a glimpse of whatever the hell this is supposed to be. Considering she’s been mangled by years of bargain-bin plastic surgery I’m just amazed it doesn’t look like Mickey Rourke’s face down there, so this Read More …

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There’s Mel Gibson E-Mails Now

Because the audio recordings weren’t enough, RadarOnline is now quoting e-mails Mel Gibson wrote Oksana Grigorieva they day after he allegedly punched her in the mouth while she may or may not have been holding their baby. (Child services thinks not.) In the emails, Mel is apologetic and begs for Oksana to call him which Read More …

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Randy Jackson is Still on American Idol

Figured that was the easiest way to start this post.
In the past 12 hours huge shake-ups have occurred on American Idol in case you hadn’t noticed from all the screaming and gnashing of teeth everywhere you turn. Ellen DeGeneres quit and now Kara DioGuardi has been fired to make way for an almost entirely new Read More …

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Chris Hemsworth Deserves to be Thor and Other News

- Chris Hemsworth shuts me up about Alexander Skarsgard as Thor.
- Irina Shayk knows Cristiano Ronaldo banged Paris Hilton, right? I feel like she should know that and also that I’m disease-free. Wink.
- Nicole Kidman’s a ginger again.
- Tara Reid keeps getting sexier.
- Sam Worthington doesn’t Read More …

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Jessica Simpson’s Boyfriend Dropped Out of School

There’s been reports that Jessica Simpson’s new boyfriend Eric Johnson is broke as shit and is simply riding her large-breasted gravy train to wherever the hell gravy trains go. (Her purse in case she gets stuck on a plane?) Now comes news he’s dropped out of business school so they can always be together/let him Read More …

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Audrina Patridge’s Breasts Look Awesome

When properly clothed and supported.
Here’s Audrina Patridge in London last night facilitating the illusion that her breasts reside in the same area code and you can actually touch both of them during intercourse without calling a cab. It’s like the exact opposite of all that fan-fiction I wrote:
“As I caressed Audrina Patridge’s ample love Read More …

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Obama Keeps Up on Lindsay Lohan

Because presidents like titties, too, President Obama revealed he’s aware of Lindsay Lohan’s plight while stopping by The View today. And in case that depresses anybody – including me even though I voted for the guy and run a gossip blog – don’t worry, he immediately rebounds by not knowing what the hell a Snooki Read More …

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Mel Gibson Walks Among Us

“And with each step I do taketh, a Jew baby loses its taste for the blood of its fellow Jew baby and foresaketh all love of copper coins. Knowing this truth, should thou calleth My satchel a purse, thou shall bloweth Me in a lake of fire of My own device for such are your Read More …

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Bon Jovi Surrounded by Naked Chicks

These are never-before-seen shots of Jon Bon Jovi from the new book Sex, Drugs and Bon Jovi and apparently they’re shocking because Bon Jovi was considered a relatively clean-cut band in the 80s. Granted, they were no Jonas Brothers, they also weren’t Mötley Crüe who let’s all agree was the better band or you can Read More …

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Heidi & Spencer Are Still Together

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are reportedly hiding out together adding fuel to the rumors that their divorce was a publicity stunt for Heidi’s reality show that she’s now pulled out of. A friend of Heidi’s stopped by her new house and found Spencer there working on the lifeguard movie that I still believe will Read More …

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Simon Monjack Spent All of Brittany Murphy’s Money. You Don’t Say?

This may come as a shock to you guys but apparently during the freakishly short time between Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack’s deaths, he pissed through 80% of her finances, according to her business manager. On top of that Simon’s mom also tried to kick Brittany’s mom out of the house. People reports:
“There were Read More …

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Wonk-Boobs is Wasted and Other News

- Kanye West is Twittering now. Can you buy stock in Caps Lock keys?
- Bruce Willis is still pissy about his personal space.
- Adriana Lima in a bikini.
- Tara Reid’s ass is a thing of beauty.
- Katie Price is pimping another book. You know what that means. Read More …

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Russell Brand Also Wears Underwear

Because I get lots of requests to show more dudes on the site only to have nobody click on them because women don’t know what they want – Carrie admitted it on Sex and the City. It’s gospel. – here’s Russell Brand running around in his underwear on the set of Arthur today. I really Read More …

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Megan Fox is Midriffy

Here’s Megan Fox walking around Studio City yesterday in a short tee that lets you stare directly at her navel until things go.. fuzzy and you mysteriously wake up naked, covered in tuna. You don’t remember owning a bunch of stray cats, yet here they are laying on the floor next to you smoking cigarettes. Read More …

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Hulk Hogan ‘Ecstatic’ About Linda’s Engagement

Hulk Hogan’s taking his ex-wife Linda’s engagement to 21-year-old Charley Hill remarkably well. Especially considering they’re getting married on a yacht named “ALIMONEY” which he obviously pays out the ass for. Here’s his exclusive statement to RadarOnline:
“I’m ecstatic for her, I’m very happy for them. I think they’re perfect for each other. I wish Read More …