This Was Almost John Mayer

Further proving Katy Perry seeks out man-whores to convert them to Christ, once upon a time during the 2009 VMAs, John Mayer almost came between those Katy and Russell Brand, still making this a semen joke. E! News reports:
“They’d never met in person, and she went to meet him there after she was at a Read More …

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Madonna Still Walks Among The Living and Other News

- Kim Kardashian wanted her breasts to stop growing because she’s the Devil.
- Johnny Depp has a lot of stuff to say.
- Gwyneth Paltrow is now Team Aniston.
- Sofia Vergara still has really awesome breasts.
- Mila Kunis is the Anti-Madonna.
- Evelyn Lozada made a smart Read More …

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Madonna Still Walks Among The Living and Other News

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Irina Shayk in GQ Spain

For those of you foolish enough to read the words down here, this is Russian model Irina Shayk posing for the December issue of GQ Spain. She’s also the girlfriend of Spanish soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo despite the fact he’s had sex Read More …

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Lindsay Lohan Wants Restraining Order Against The Entire Paparazzi

Despite the fact she angled her “Sober Shine Award” just so they’d see it this morning, Lindsay Lohan is demanding her lawyer file a restraining order against every single paparazzi after they cost her her driving privileges. TMZ reports:
The L.A. County Probation Department — along with the DMV — have given Lindsay the green light Read More …

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Ochocinco is Engaged. Also, Naked.

I’m all kinds of confusing today.
In a double-whammy to Kim Kardashian, NFL superstar Chad Ochocinco not only hates fur, but just took himself off the market by announcing his engagement this morning. Us Magazine reports:
He announced that he is engaged to model Evelyn Lozada on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS FM radio show Tuesday.
“Yeah, man … It’s Read More …

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Leighton Meester Dressed Like a Dude

Because you can’t seem to get enough of her despite the fact she’s lacking a certain magnifique boulon-ons of say, I dunno, Blake Lively, here’s Leighton Meester at the Gotham Independent Film Awards last night where she decided to wear a suit and tie to sexually confuse me. I say sexually confuse because I have Read More …

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Christina Aguilera Met Her New Man’s Mom Already

Seen here performing on Dancing With The Stars, Christina Aguilera met her new boyfriend Matthew Rutler’s mother over the weekend presumably to inform her she’s going to be a grandmother. Apparently, her son Max stayed in Los Angeles with Jordan Bratman who more than likely requested the time to determine if his son’s half-human blood Read More …

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Kardashians Kancel Kard. – Wait.

The Kardashian sisters have abandoned their barely month-old prepaid debit card, the “Kardashian Kard,” after the Connecticut attorney general announced he was investigating the Kard for violating consumer protection laws with “predatory” fees, according to Gossip Cop:
The notice of termination letter says that the Kardashians “have worked extremely long and hard to create a positive Read More …

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Heidi Montag’s Dead Doctor Was Hilarious

This story actually hit late Thanksgiving Eve, but was too good to get lost in the mix.
The following are emails sent to Heidi Montag (above — I think) from her late plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan, who, when he wasn’t pushing for her to get more “injectables,” was constantly trying to rope his Frankenstein Read More …

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Steve Johnson: ‘This How You Do Me, God?’

After missing a game-winning touchdown against the Pittsburgh Steelers yesterday, Steve Johnson, who’s apparently the Kanye West of NFL Tweets, took to Twitter last night where he actually cursed God for not helping him win a football game:
I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! Read More …

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Irvin Kershner Died (1923 – 2010)

Filmmaker Irvin Kershner died at age 87 Saturday after a three year battle with lung cancer, according to the Associated Press. He was most famously known for directing The Empire Strikes Back, a movie in which he fought George Lucas to include one of the most classic lines in sci-fi history:
“When I finally accepted the Read More …

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Kelly Brook Will Unite Us and Other News

(Friends again?)
- Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez are doomed.
- Willie Nelson arrested for pot, as if that means anything to him.
- James Franco and Anne Hathaway are hosting the Oscars.
- Marisa Miller almost saved The Tonight Show. Almost..
- Anne Hathaway gets naked in Love and Other Drugs. Read More …

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‘Furnch Fries!’

A lot of people try to argue I write this site because I’m secretly jealous of celebrities which is, obviously, not true. I just hate everyone who isn’t me, that’s all. However, I will admit to being jealous in this case, and this case only, because there’s no way any of us will ever be Read More …

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Sarah Palin Defends Willow’s ‘F-ggot’ Rant

What was almost a completely forgotten about issue has been resurrected by Sarah Palin’s inability to portray herself as anything but a helpless victim of the media, a dont’cha know. Here she is talking to Sean Hannity where, unprompted, she brought up Willow Palin’s publicized use of the word “faggot” to attack a classmate who Read More …

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Kim Kardashian is a Tease

What you’re looking at is Kim Kardashian participating in the Keep a Child Alive campaign for World AIDS Day. Apparently on Wednesday she’ll sign off of both Facebook and Twitter, or “die” in this topsy-turvy Internet world, until $1 million is raised by texting “KIM” to 90999. Does anyone else find that to be the Read More …

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Who Wants Leftovers?

Now that we’ve stared deeply into Jennifer Aniston’s breasts and watched Jessica Simpson battle her demons, it’s time to wrap up the rest of the holiday and get back to business. Here are the last bits of gossip from Thanksgiving that should hopefully bring everyone up to speed before we do this all over again Read More …

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Jennifer Aniston Was in a Bikini

While Jessica Simpson and Kanye West continued to embarrass themselves in front of millions, Jennifer Aniston escaped to Los Cabos where she spent Thanksgiving with a bikini-clad Chelsea Handler, who you’ll notice I conveniently didn’t mention in the headline. I’m in the business of attracting people to this site, not sending them screaming into the Read More …

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Jennifer Aniston Was in a Bikini

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Kanye West Booed at Macy’s Parade

For reasons known only to him and the hand-puppet he talks to before bed every night, Kanye West agreed to ride on a float all by himself during the 84th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Fortunately for us, New Yorkers take their morning talk shows and country music seriously (Roll with it.) which caused them Read More …