Happy New Year!

So, one of two things need to happen here:
1. She stays her in there permanently.
2. We inform the entire Middle East this machine is how the Great Satan derives its power. (Which if they’re reading, is true along with a warm infidel-y center. Allahu Akbar.)
I’m cool either way.
Back on Monday. Keep it safe out there,
- Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: Hilary Duff Says ‘Yes’

1. Hilary Duff
Posted: 2.23.2010
As I compiled this list at the beginning of the week, I found myself smiling when I saw the top post of 2010 because I completely forgot about these beautiful, almost quintessentially romantic set of photos. Here’s Hilary Duff accepting Mike Comrie’s proposal in literally the greatest way possible. Because, honestly, at Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: Miley Cyrus’ Special Place

2. Miley Cyrus
Posted: 6.21.2010
Sometime around June 2010 it was determined that Miley Cyrus‘ stage show was missing a certain… something. And that something was her vagina. Not unlike ripping the governor off a car if cars had a vulva, Miley was set lose across Europe and the United States with specific instructions to vagina diddle Read More …

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Moesha? And Other News

So, they really are contagious. You win this round, racism. This round…
- Lisa Rinna tries to scare these kids to death.
- Joe Francis just ripped off Ryan Reynolds’ entire separation statement.
- JLo and Marc Anthony are tax evaders.
- Irina Shayk in lingerie.
- Montana Fishbourne chips away at her father’s Read More …

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LeAnn Rimes in a Bikini

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian slipped off to Mexico for a little Homewreckers Celebration because apparently they think getting engaged is a smart idea after proving marriage means absolutely jackshit to either of them. That being said, LeAnn Rimes actually looks pretty goddamn banging here. And it’s been a long time since I could say Read More …

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The Walnut Bandit Got His Own Milkshake

Raz B just had a Twitter fight with Chris Brown Wednesday, but by Thursday he was already getting his own milkshake at Millions of Milkshakes in Hollywood. While this obviously suggests Raz picked the fight for publicity, let’s not lose sight of what’s really important here: Tila Tequila had her milkshake canceled, yet a guy Read More …

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Katy Perry is an Angel of the Morning

Being the loving husband that he is Russell Brand took a picture of Katy Perry as she’s waking up without her normal 800 miles of makeup on, and then posted it to Twitter. He’s since deleted it which is exactly what I would do once I remembered my wife’s breasts are ginormously awesome and I Read More …

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Katy Perry is an Angel of the Morning

Being the loving husband that he is Russell Brand took a picture of Katy Perry as she’s waking up without her normal 800 miles of makeup on, and then posted it to Twitter. He’s since deleted it which is exactly what I would do once I remembered my wife’s breasts are ginormously awesome and I Read More …

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Paris Hilton is Pregnant

Okay, before anybody panics, let’s run down the list:
Idiot sperm donor? Check.
Non-impaired uterus? — Let’s come back to that one.
Protruding stomach? Check.
Bigger boobs? Check.
Fatter ass? Check.
Belly rubbing thing pregnant chicks always do? Double check.
Horsemen of the apocalypse descending from the heavens? I saw a squirrel. Count it.
Ah, Jesus. Hopefully I’m wrong, and not just because Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: Coco’s Bikini

5. Coco
Posted: 6.29.2010
Half-woman, half-minotaur, Coco took the beaches of Miami in June where she marveled the Internet with her ability to wear nothing more than scraps of cloth across her Herculean frame. If there was every any doubt Ice-T needs to bring a battle axe to the bedroom before granting entry to her quiver mountain, Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: ‘That’s No Moon…’

4. Kim Kardashian
Posted: 7.19.2010
In an occurrence so rare you’d have a better chance seeing Haley’s Comet fly past Tom Cruise having sex with a woman, Kim Kardashian was actually photographed from behind in a bikini despite her strict embargo on ass shots. You know, because she thinks she’s famous for her talent and hard work, Read More …

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Vanessa Hudgens Got Her Moustache Waxed and Other News

- Shenae Grimes denies being contaminated by John Mayer.
- Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick pimp baby Mason to E!.
- Penn Badgley and Matthew Morrison blossom a new bromance.
- Laurie Cholewa will make you learn french.
- Emily Blunt strikes a pose for vogue.
- Ashley Greene has Read More …

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Gary Shirley Told Girlfriend to Cover Up ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Hitting Him Again

See that face? That’s why you always wear a condom. Even if you’re married.
Earlier in the month it was reported that Teen Mom Amber Portwood decided it’d be a smart idea to assault Gary Shirley again while she’s currently facing felony charges for beating him in front of an entire MTV audience and more importantly Read More …

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Salma Hayek in a Bikini

Here’s Salma Hayek in St. Barts yesterday who’s turning into quite the spicy brickhouse. A lot of people say I only like anorexic chicks because I’ve made it my mission to point out how pregnant Christina Aguilera is – because she is. But I would bull fight Salma Hayek until my penis broke which practically Read More …

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Chris Brown Doesn’t Like People Mentioning That Time He Banged a Dude

Last week Chris Brown posted to Twitter his diploma for passing a court-ordered anger management course to silence the “haters,” and show he’s a man who’s clearly learned from his mistakes. Cut to last night where he flew off the handle on Twitter when Raz B of the boy band B2K decided to make a Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: Lady GaGa’s Missing Penis

5. Lady GaGa
Posted: 2.17.2010
During simpler, more innocent times, there existed a rumor that Lady GaGa was born a hermaphrodite and therefore had both male and female genitalia. Cut to the 2010 Brit Awards where her stage outfit revealed almost entirely hatchet wound and not a single trace of man-wiener. None of you believed your eyes, Read More …

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BEST OF 2010: It’s Called ‘A Snooki’

6. Snooki
Posted: 1.19.2010
Snooki made her The Superficial debut on January 11, 2010. A little over a week later this post hit catapulting Snook into just shy of the Top 5 and locking me into forever torturing you with pics of her because apparently you’ll click on them like crack addicts trying to get a food Read More …

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Stephanie Seymour is in a Bikini, Too, and Other News

- Snooki banned from Time’s Square Ball Drop.
- Shocking News! Joe Francis might be getting divorced.
- Jessica Simpson makes Eric Johnson dress up like Lloyd Christmas.
- George Clooney won’t marry this.
- Karissa and Kristina Shannon like pole dancing.
- Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka prove Read More …

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Brett Favre Will Be Fined For Penis Photos

While earlier reports suggested Brett Favre would not suffer any consequences for sending sextual messages – including pictures of his penis – to New York Jets reporter Jenn Sterger in 2008, FOXSports.com reports Favre will, in fact, be fined by the NFL:
Commissioner Roger Goodell is likely to fine, but not suspend, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Read More …

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Bar Refaeli is in a Bikini Again

I’m not even going to put on airs here. Here’s Bar Refaeli in Cabo yesterday and I like ogling her breasts and ass. In fact, it’s one of the few things that makes my happy anymore, and I’m not going to mask it anymore with Inception jokes or talk of how I mail her stick Read More …

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