Truth, Justice and Sexual Harassment

Via Nerdist, here’s an awesome rendering of Don Draper himself Jon Hamm as Superman which I’m posting entirely because I’m a huge fucking dork and it’s my birthday. On that note, don’t be surprised if there’s a delayed start tomorrow morning. Not that I’ll be out “winning” tonight in the Charlie Sheen sense of the Read More …

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And Now We Know Who Leaked Those Rihanna Photos

Ball’s in your court, Chris Brown.
Photos: Splash News
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Apparently Charlie Sheen is Winning

When we last left Charlie Sheen he was not only claiming to be clean and sober, but hooked on a drug so powerful “if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body,” The name of that drug? Charlie Sheen. Snort forward to Read More …

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Bethenny Frankel’s in a Bikini Again and Other News

- Tom Cruise will finally prove that 80’s glam-rock wasn’t latently homosexual. — Wait.
- David Beckham imagines himself as Jesus getting a sensual massage from his Cherub sons. That’s how I read this.
- Vanessa Hudgens at the Beastly premiere.
- Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law should host the Oscars.
- Heather Read More …

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‘Teen Mom’ Amber and The Fat Dude With a Tail Are Getting Married

Presumably to pitch their own reality show considering just last week she was pregnant with a baby that literally anybody could’ve been the father of, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were spotted shopping for a “promise ring” over the weekend at Kay Jewelers. Of course, the whole thing would’ve looked less stage if Gary didn’t Read More …

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‘Teen Mom’ Amber and The Fat Dude With a Tail Are Getting Married

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So Chris Brown is Sisqó Now

When he’s not blaming Satan for reminding everyone he beat Rihanna’s face into a car door then bit her about the face and neck like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum in the toy aisle, Chris Brown also likes to tweet photos of his new hairdos. This time around he’s dyed it blonde which, God Read More …

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The 83rd Annual Academy Awards

And here’s everybody else at last night’s Academy Awards so we can move the hell on with our lives. That said, I think my favorite part of the Oscars each year is watching the industry pundits feign shock over the show being the boring mound of bland, vanilla jokes it always is. As if it’s Read More …

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OSCARS: Scarlett Johansson Showed Her Face in Public

Despite appearing in both Iron Man 2 and He’s Just Not That Into You, Scarlett Johansson was still invited to the Oscars where she made a rare post-divorce appearance and brought her agent as a date. Also, surprisingly in attendance was Sandra Bullock who seems like the type that carries a gun in her purse Read More …

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OSCARS: Reese Witherspoon Looked Awesome

Anytime Reese Witherspoon has been photographed over the past few months she’s been jogging like a goddamn maniac, so it’s no surprise she showed up to the Oscars looking incredible. Yes, she probably helped the caterers fine-touch a few ice sculptures with her chin, but that just means she’s comfortable with her handicap and exudes Read More …

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OSCARS: Okay, So Natalie Portman Won

Despite predicting Jennifer Lawrence would win without ever seeing either Winter’s Bone or Black Swan – Seemed unnecessary. – Natalie Portman won the Academy Award for Best Leading Actress for her work in Black Swan. In an ideal world this would make lesbian ballerinas the new Holocaust, but The King’s Speech just won Best Picture Read More …

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OSCARS: Okay, So Natalie Portman Won

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OSCARS: Justin Timberlake Didn’t Bring Jessica Biel. This is Why.

Adding fuel to the rumors that Justin Timberlake’s penis accepted Mila Kunis‘ friend request (Don’t ever let me do that again.), he conveniently showed up to the Oscars sans Jessica Biel only to turn around and present an award with 95% of Mila’s breasts. Again, this could all be circumstantial evidence thanks to their new Read More …

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OSCARS: Jennifer Lawrence and a List of People Who Don’t Look as Hot

Here’s Best Actress nominee Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone) arriving at the 83rd Annual Academy Awards looking just hot as shit, so let’s just say she won and save ourselves the mind-numbing three hours of watching. In the meantime, here’s a list of people who aren’t getting their own gallery so I don’t know why they Read More …

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Charlie Sheen is Snorting Nothing But Pure, Colombian Charlie Sheen

Because there’s absolutely no way I can keep up with Charlie Sheen on top of covering the Oscars tonight – Think chasing the Road Runner, but he also has the rocket car and twenty sticks of dynamite. – here’s a quick recap of Charlie’s latest antics as of this post. Except by the time I Read More …

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The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 16

Welcome to the 16th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, and this edition is extra special because strategically placed within in it are every single photo from the Gary Shirley ass-crack post. Think of them as hairy landmines – with a tail. In the meantime, I want to give a special thanks Read More …

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Hey, Look, I Committed a War Crime!

Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It’s Read More …

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Hey, Look, I Committed a War Crime!

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Bree Olson is a Helper

While Charlie Sheen spent his morning texting Good Morning America that he’s still showing up for work on Tuesday because you’re not winning if you don’t have hostages, Bree Olson put on her publicist hat and tweeted the least suspicious thing I’ve ever read in my life:
I don’t do drugs and neither does anybody around Read More …

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BREAKING: Jessica Simpson Exercised

“Please… I need butter…”
Do not adjust your monitors. This is Jessica Simpson leaving a gym yesterday where she’s been working out with Tracy Anderson, the woman behind Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow’s current figures, although I’m sure she touts the latter way more than the former.
JESSICA: So, who was your last client?
TRACY: This corpse.
JESSICA: Ohmygod, she’s Read More …