The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 8.31.11

“I said, I fucked your wife! God, this motor’s loud…” Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring Alysa Milano looking exactly like a woman who’s ready to pop at any minute, and she did this morning, Alexander Skarsgard sniffing out a new lovah and Great Caesar’s Ghost, Adrianne Curry really is fucking random nerds Read More …

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Minka Kelly Bangs This Guy Now

According to TooFab, the now-single Minka Kelly is already not-single because she’s having a “growing late-night relationship” (So I’m not the only one who wakes up with that? Thank God.) with Ramon Rodriguez who you might remember from such roles as Omar’s boyfriend on The Wire or Shia LaBeouf’s roommate in Transformers: This Time With Read More …

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Minka Kelly Bangs This Guy Now

According to TooFab, the now-single Minka Kelly is already not-single because she’s having a “growing late-night relationship” (So I’m not the only one who wakes up with that? Thank God.) with Ramon Rodriguez who you might remember from such roles as Omar’s boyfriend on The Wire or Shia LaBeouf’s roommate in Transformers: This Time With Read More …

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Mel Gibson Made Court Faces Again

Mel Gibson was in court this morning for reasons that aren’t really important, so just assumed he somehow managed to only pay Oksana Grigorieva a settlement that’s a shart in the bucket to him because the California court system is afraid of getting Third Reich’d in the face. Because that’s exactly what happened. What is Read More …

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And Now For Your Pretentious Celebrity Vegan Quote of The Day

You’re a vegan. For your last meal would you go for a fatty steak or just some tempeh? I’m not a true vegan. I dabble in sustainable fish and dawdle in the consumption of eggs. Steak doesn’t speak to me, and tempeh is so-so. I’ll savor a solitary apricot that’s been kissed by my baby. Read More …

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Giuliana Rancic Trolled LeAnn Rimes Like A Harp From Wherever People Don’t Eat

While most of us recognize LeAnn Rimes‘s Holocaustiesque frame as the prime example of perfect health, Giuliana Rancic decided to get her name out there in the easiest way possible by publicly saying LeAnn looks too skinny. It’s practically the new conveniently-leaked sex tape. Via The Huffington Post: “She lost a lot of weight from Read More …

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Hello, Rose McGowan And Other News

Posted by Photo Boy – Snooki is ready for the Fox News anchor desk. – Shannon Doherty wants you to go back to school. – Contact with George Clooney‘s penis is the newest prerequisite for Dancing With The Stars. – Meanwhile, an alarm just sounded at Adrianne Curry‘s house. Read More …

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George Lucas is Still Raping Childhoods

“Rape will keep the local systems in line. Also, neck pouches.” If you haven’t heard the sound of millions of Internet voices suddenly crying out in terror and were suddenly silenced, George Lucas has altered the original Star Wars trilogy again for next month’s Blu-ray release, according to Badass Digest‘s Drew Faraci who has confirmed Read More …

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George Lucas is Still Raping Childhoods

“Rape will keep the local systems in line. Also, neck pouches.” If you haven’t heard the sound of millions of Internet voices suddenly crying out in terror and were suddenly silenced, George Lucas has altered the original Star Wars trilogy again for next month’s Blu-ray release, according to Badass Digest‘s Drew Faraci who has confirmed Read More …

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Here’s How Madonna Stays In Shape For Her Man-Child

If you’re like me, you often wonder how Madonna keeps herself in prime, looking like she’s dying physical condition for stealing and/or dating children depending on which direction the blood crystal points in the morn. Turns out her secret is rigorous soccer ball lifting. One hour of soccer ball lifting in the morning, followed by Read More …

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Who Likes Their Superman Extra Bulgy?

God, I hope this is in 3D… I mean, who said that? Following this summer’s trend of filming blockbusters in clear view of the paparazzi, here are shots of Henry Cavill on the set of Zack Snyder’s Superman: Man of Steel which we can now say with throbbing accuracy is red underwear-free. (Which, yes, I Read More …

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Kris Humphries Won’t Be Asked If It’s In Yet Tonight

In related news, Vivid Entertainment has made contact with the “mystery buyer” of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape and set the price at $30 million along with basically admitting this is all just a giant PR stunt for Kim by making the following ham-fisted statement to TMZ: “I have no idea who is behind this offer Read More …

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The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 8.30.11

“I can haz Vienna sausages!” Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed rife with political martyrdom, more questionable Alexander Skarsgard photos (Does he have a delivery service now? WTF?) and one child‘s desperate attempt to escape a life of famewhorey and bulk purchases of hair wax removal packages. Also, a quick note on today’s Final Read More …

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Lady GaGa Wore a Prosthetic Penis To The VMAs

Lady Gaga is a method actor now, so of course she wore a fake penis while attending the VMAs as her male alter ego Jo Calderone. Except we’ve already decided via the power of democracy that she’s a hermaphrodite, so technically Lady GaGa brought two penises to the VMAs. Dos penetración fideos. Us Weekly reports: Read More …

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Rihanna’s Adopting a Kid?

Apparently Rihanna wants to adopt a child from Haiti if this report is one of those times the National Enquirer is actually right about something: “Rihanna doesn’t see herself having a biological child anytime soon because she doesn’t have a man in her life – plus, after all the drama with CHRIS BROWN, she’s suspicious Read More …

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Julianne Hough Has Leaked Photos Now

When we last left Julianne Hough, she was being routinely molested by Ryan Seacrest in front of her friends and family as his way of saying, “Happy Birthday. Now quit your crying.” So here she is in a series of leaked photos that just made their way onto the Internet, and someone needs to teach Read More …

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Kendra Wilkinson’s Breasts Hosted a Pool Party and Other News

Posted by Photo Boy – Julie Bowen is trying to destroy her twins’ lives by embarrassment. – Meet the star-studded new cast of Dancing With The Stars. – Matt Damon thinks Gwyneth Paltrow is the greatest actress he’s ever worked with. – Gwen Stefani is doing this as poorly as Read More …

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is Airing a ‘Suicide Special’ Now, Of Course

If you assumed Bravo would take the classy and respectable route of canceling the upcoming season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills following Russel Armstrong’s suicide, clearly you never seen more than five minutes of this show because they’re going to exploit the fuck out of this thing by airing a “suicide special.” Entertainment Weekly Read More …

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Lindsay Lohan Wants to Bang Chris Brown, This Needs To Happen

Immediately following Chris Brown‘s performance at the VMAs Sunday night, Lindsay Lohan fired off the following two tweets, hoping to hitch her freckle-wagon to his star because apparently getting punched in the face is better than sitting around watching your mom drink all your booze money because no one will hire you: – @ChrisBrown killed Read More …

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Kim Kardashian Wants To Buy Back The Rights To Her Sex Tape

A “mystery buyer” (Read: Kim Kardashian.) has reportedly hired a Tennessee lawyer to purchase all the rights to Kim Kardashian Sex Tape from Vivid, so just assume this is the result of Kim’s fake wedding – – being overshadowed by Read More …

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